Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
