the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
