Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
