Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
