a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
third nipple confirmed
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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