we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
