He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize