Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
