I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
