Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
