Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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