Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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