We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize