I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
