I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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