Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
