You work out of a Hotel?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
