I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
