I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
