you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
