why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
