you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
