I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
