got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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