break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
