i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
