Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize