The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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