Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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