I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
