soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
