Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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