you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
