What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
