There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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