I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
