I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
