my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
