This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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