I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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