So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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