Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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