At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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