a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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