I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize