I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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