Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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