bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
