I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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