well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
