what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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