let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
