You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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