Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
