TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
