it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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