I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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