***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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