Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You are the jesus of drinking
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