So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
