I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
