bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
