meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
