Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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