Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
