Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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