ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
