I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
