I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
