Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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