She said her name was "party"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize