On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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