My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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