I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
