just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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