i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
