Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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