I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
